Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Poems from Another Lifetime Part 2

Photo taken 1 year after I came to the Lord Jesus

This is a continuation of a series of poems I wrote before I came to Jesus. I was a professing atheist during this time and I think you can see the contrast between the hope my current writings show and this time when my life was, at times, pretty hopeless. I used to write when I felt things intensely  - usually sadness or angst but occasionally happiness.

Logic on Marriage before Being Married
If your heart contains dreams
That your head denies
Soon a little part
Of your heart-dream dies

Be reasonable and think
Your life is planned!
“Get rid of those dreams"
Is your mind’s demand

Eventually your mind
Will win the war
The dream is gone
She’ll haunt you no more

But I ask you now
Before these times arrive
Couldn’t head and heart
Live side by side?

Monologue on When My Life Was Living Me

I miss you too much when you’re at work
Or behind a newspaper of minimal thickness but
Maximum density

And too much on the highway
When foam rubber and engine roar
Make it impossible for verbal contact

But most of all I miss you in days of future passed
Running through the fallen leaves
And silver streams with our friends of autumn gone

Then all that mattered was gaining direction
And staying warm enough in winter-
We reached those goals in several ways

As I sit here thinking
I almost feel it has been years
Since I’ve gotten into your soul, let you into mine
For we seem to have been sidetracked by ever so much

By different hours of apartness,
Over indulgence in so many ways
It almost looks like we have become too oriented
To “socially acceptable" escapes: beer, wine and meaningless trivia

In thinking, I would rather work with you
To build our Walden from something more solid
Than pistons and cylinders which break
Or tangible accumulations which seem to clutter
The simplicity we’re trying to attain

Can’t we build and save intangible sensitivities
Which mean so much and grow together rather than petty
Childlike rather than childish, responsible rather than impulsive
Yet free and unencumbered?

I want to see you more than when you’re sleeping
And grow in learning more than only what you like for supper
I want to grow in learning to live and feel and breathe and touch
The essence of the soul of life together with you
While leaving behind the tempting, distracting clutter
Which obscures our impression of intangible yet perceptible reality.

Can we accept the challenge of going away
Away from the security of the 9-5 world with all its demands,
Pressures, censorship of soul feeling sensitivities and emphasis on accumulation?
Can we win the battle over our “socialized" production-consumer oriented selves
To discover our buried soul potential and where life REALLY is?

Reaching Out?
How can you reach out to someone
You’re not even sure is there?

I am reaching out for you
Trying so hard to grasp your half extended hand
But you can’t give more to meet me
Because you’re trying too much
To grasp the one of hers, just out of reach.
I, so intent on you that I can’t hear him,
Calling out behind me.

All of us wanting to be close
To someone who’d rather not be there
Yet, someday I think we’ll all be going
The right direction at the correct time
To meet and hold
The proverbial “other you".

Miserable Souls
The world is full of miserable souls,
All unsure of themselves,
Hurting and being hurt by everyone around them.
Sometimes it seems like a farce
To try to reach out
What is closeness, humanity if you will
If it seems to end up hurting and tearing up
Worse in the end than if everyone
Had just been isolationists to begin with?
Yet how can we be isolationists
When we have to reach out and touch or die
But isn’t the death of hurting and bring hurt
Almost worse than the death of loneliness?

Snowflake, A Smile
Merry snowflake swirling around
Dizzily drifting dreamily down
Smile encompassing all
Snowflake is a smile
Smile gathering in the sky
Happy, happy, happy I.
(C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with proper credits.

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